Q: I (sister) have been having a lot of difficulty within my marriage. My husband does not attend to my emotional and desirable needs, but always pressures me and forces me to do so for him. He is abusive verbally, physically, emotionally, and sexually. We are currently living with my parents, as he is new to the country that we are in, and we still have not gotten our own place. He does not work to support us or pitch in for my family. As we are staying with my parents, he does not show this behaviour outside of our room. But he does force me to do things I am uncomfortable with. Because of all of this, I feel a distance growing, and I am no longer attracted to him in any way. He is not religious by any means, which frightens me as I want the best for him as well as myself. He always seems to find something about me he doesn’t like, and although this may sound like I am complaining, I really am seeking for guidance for the next steps I should take. He is a relative so whenever I attempt to talk about these issues with my parents they assume that I have done something wrong to attain hatred from him. They are against separation, but I do not think I can last within a relationship where my husband does not really love me, and where I will always feel that he only married me to get into a western country. I am deprived of having children which is also something that is causing problems, he always demands children, and despite getting medical treatment I know that this is something in the hands of Allah Ta’ala, and when He wants it to happen, it will. But this concept does not cross his mind, he does not think of my health and factors as to why I’m not having children but rather he wants to make his mother happy and risk my health. I do not have any emotional support with anything I do. Whenever I set out to accomplish my studies or work on my small business, he always puts me down and gives me negative comments. It is affecting my university and success in my business, but most of all it affects my Imaan. I would really appreciate a response about the next steps I should take, as my own parents will not take my side or listen to what I have to say.
A: If your aversion towards him is on account of deen and because of him not having the right character then the basis for the aversion is right. You may request him to divorce you. If he declines, you could refer to one of the ulama bodies near you.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)