Living with in-laws

Q: My question is regarding the ruling about living with in laws. Bring in UK for six years, I was living with in-laws for four years. Things are fine with brother in laws, they are yet unmarried and nearly of my age. We have limited, controlled good relationship. But my issue is with parents. In a small nutshell specially my father in law has not accepted me though I’m his relative. The wedding was fully arranged by my mother in law. She is ok with me. Good days bad days. But still she is not very open minded educated women. All this I came to know after coming here. As they were far relative. And on the time of wedding enquiry done by my parents, they lied and she told wrong things about their aqeedah, about husband’s education (which is far less than me) his health physical and emotionally. His religious level (far far different approach than mine). She kept everything secret. I came to know very slowly when I came to him. It was too late then. As when I came to know I just lost my 34 years old brother in an accident very suddenly in the same days. It was very very big time for my parents in Pakistan. Mum got sudden Stroke. So I had to keep my mouth shut and show a happy face to them. With time I have two kids. Alhumduliah. (May Allah keep them safe and pious) But the first girl with in laws was not very lucky for me as they become very very harsh rude and unjust with me. It was the time I went to Pakistan and was ready for separation but after six months I came back with very very bad heart for the sake of the girls future. Husband is never a husband for me in front of his family. By the will of Allah we got a far away  flat in London when I was pregnant with a son. It was very very hard time. Health wise, emotionally, mentally. I was coming out with bad heart with broken emotions I had nothing there to see shining since 2008/2012 I had many big small fights. I heard many bad things for my parents. So don’t even call their house. I heard bad bad scolding. I was utterly emotionally dead. Can’t forget those words, those eyes. When I got moved. I again tried to keep good relations, going to visit them weekly. Stay at nights whenever possible. To show care. To let them play with kids and let them feel happy. Forgetting past. But even then his dad insulted me whenever he gets reason or not. I think he hates me utterly. He never see any any good thing in me. Now question is my husband and his parents really want me to move back and stay with them. So they will have kids all the time. They are forcefully saying. I’m stuck no way. He says I miss them more I want to live with them. My kids should grow with them. I had bad experience to last month. When he shouted at me for twice for no reason infront of everyone. My kids wants to go as now we are in flat. There they have Garden and full house. I know soon they will be very nosy with me. However limits I will keep. I will be insulted. I will be scolded. I will be emotionally tried. My husband will be only dummy in front of them. My kids will be out of control fully. As they don’t tell them to listen to your mom. I can go back. But I’m very very affraid. Please help me what should I do. Here houses are at high rent. And if luckily we will find anything they will hate me more. If I will go they will scold me more. Soon another brother in law is going to be married . she is from UK. A love marriage. She will be compared and more pressure for me. Kindly help me in the name of Allah. Guide me to best path by the will of Allah. Save me from wrong decision. To go back. How.? If stay how to avoid therefor hatred for me. I am alone very alone in this country. Nothing to seek sincerity. But big big thanks to Allah as He is with me. (kindly forgive me for bad English, bad spellings. May Allah I have told the truth. And may my question is clear for you)


A: Since you are comfortable in the flat that you are living in and you fear abuse at your in-law’s place we advise you to remain where you are. Hold firm to your deen and keep turning to Allah; beg for His assistance. Be appreciative  and grateful to your husband. May Allah Ta`ala’s help and protection be with you.

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.


Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)