Q: I have been married since the last four years. It’s an arranged marriage. My husband is very abusive, physically and verbally and would always threaten to leave me. We would somehow get back together and I would forgive and forget everything. That will probably make the situation worse. But now I can’t ignore it. I have to tell him that he cannot talk to me in that way, it hurts me. If it continues, and he is not willing to open up or show me respect, then I would consult someone who knows and cares about me and my family who can help me to figure out how to best deal with the situation. I know there are lots of couples that argue and then talk about it afterwards but I don’t talk about arguments, but about galiyaan. He shouldn’t be giving me gaaliyan. I don’t care how big his ego is. There is no excuse for giving his wife gaaliyan, calling me prostitute. It hurts! If I forgive him an let it go easily he’s going to think his gaaliyan are acceptable by me. I don’t let him ever think it’s okay for him to curse me. I am his wife, his other half, marriage is based on respect for each other, and if one partner has lost respect for the other half, how long can one go on? What should I do?
A: If there is some neutral person that could advise both of you in a respectable manner, preferably some elder of the family and try and see if he can bring about a level of sanity and understanding between yourselves.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)