Marital problems

Q: I would like some advise. Say for example if a girl is in a relationship, being Muslim, gets involved sexually then the boy doesn’t marry her as his family want him to marry his cousin. Then the girl gets married and the husband finds out about her past. Puts her through hell. The girl is repenting to Allah. Her husband isn’t practising but preaches about what Islam says about this kind of sin. Shouts at her, swears at her, swears at her parents and brothers and sisters. Talks about surat un nissa and says things like you and your family are all sinners. Taunts her when she tries to pray and says things like hijab doesn’t suit you because you are a sinner. Blames her for his depression and say that she and her parents lied to him. He says that she should have disclosed all this before she got married to him and this wouldn’t have happened. He is clinically depressed but the doctor is obviously going to believe what he tells them. Has insomnia and blames his wife for it all. When he got married he said that his parents don’t want to be involved in his marriage but have said that he can go ahead and get married. So basically they met online. On a marriage website. The girl had permission from her parents to look for a husband online, told them about him an they were happy till they found out that his parents didn’t want to get involved. Upon the insistence of the girl her parents reluctantly agreed. He brought all his friends and colleagues to his wedding and to this day his parents don’t know that he is married. He now has two children. He calls his wife a liar, doesn’t bath after sex for days on end. Has to be pushed by wife to have a bath. He became physically violent everytime she argued about her past with her and started to slap, punch kick, jump, pull her hair, give her black eyes. Never wants to pray and says that your behaviour with people should be good etc i.e. huqooq ul ibad or something. It is getting better now but still he talks to himself loudly so she can hear him when he say things like tauba from these people in uk etc. When he shouts at her he makes her sin seem ten times worst than it was i.e I bet you wore this for him and and I bet you did that with him and blames things that didn’t happen. Blames her for sleeping with non muslims, sikhs and blacks, etc. Please advise am at my wits end and don’t know if I should wait for things to get better or what. I pray to Allah as much as I can.


A: We suggest that you contact some seniors of your family and express to them your concerns. Thereafter, they could take the matter to some reputable ulama body. If they feel it appropriate they will take appropriate measures like disseverment of the marriage through faskh.

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.


Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)