Turning to Allah Ta’ala

Q: I need your guidance on my present marital issue. I live in Dubai. It’s been six months since I got married. Me and my parents are very Shareef and religious whereas my husband’s in-laws are a bit modern, Muslim but my husband doesn’t perform namaaz and is a chronic smoker. Though we did Mashwara and investigation regarding my husbands character and reputation, followed by positive istikhara, we discovered some of his affairs with girls which shocked us, to which he said were his past and won’t happen again. I trusted him and accepted
him with all his shortcomings. After our marriage he again had an affair which I discovered had begun right before the month of our marriage. He was ashamed of it and apologised to me which I did forgive but it still hurts me deep down inside. He cares for my needs and shows his love. But my trust on him has vanished. I have gotten more suspicious of him since he works at a place where he has lots of female colleagues, and the recent affair was also with one of them. I keep on checking his cell phone and mails, which in itself is a torture to my mind but there is no other way for me to relieve my suspicions. He occasionally shows me my worth as my parents are not as rich as his are, with his harsh words but I try to ignore them for the sake of my marriage. Now I have discovered that he drinks occasionally. I found his empty bottles which we replaced by new ones in his cupboard, the revelation of which has shocked me. Also the other day I was reading his old emails to an ex-girlfriend, which he though he had deleted but somehow were there. I could not get much but what I gathered was he had Astaghfirullah discussed intimate things with her and how she taught him. I was extremely disappointed. I asked him about it which he plainly denied and said it was all part of his past. I have caught so many lies of my husband ranging from petty matters of daily life e.g.
where he is at what time of the day, to big matters like affairs, salary, where he spends etc. I must mention here that for the past 5 months I have been constantly trying to get him to pray and leave smoking but to no avail. Sometimes he does go to Jummah prayers but that also is on his mood. I love him so much and I want a peaceful life where I can trust my husband. So now With all this in view, especially after I have found about his drinking, I have told him plainly that I don’t trust his words anymore and that I’m getting fed up of trying to get him to the right path and I will be applying for khula…

If he wills to continue this relationship then he has to show me at least some hope by bringing some positive change in him like starting to pray at least once or twice a day and lessening his smoking in this Ramadaan Insha Allah. Only then shall I return to his house because I want him to show his concern regarding our relationship too, since I accepted him with his dreary past and forgave his sick attitude time after time since our marriage. Now after this he has cut off all contact on phone with me. I don’t know if he is hurt our what but I assured him the last time I spoke to him that I’ll always be available for help to bring him to the right path. Now what should I do regarding this relationship, as my patents are sick and tired of seeing me suffer each day since my marriage? I love him and want to live a peaceful life with my husband but he seems to care less, if at all.


A: Leave him for the time being as he is, and turn to Allah Ta`ala. Refer to http://muftionline.co.za/node/2704

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.


Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)