Overlooking the faults of others

Q: I am a divorced woman and had a painful life with my ex for 28 years. I did not fight or argue with him because of his bad manners and the disrespectful words that he used all the time. He abused me mentally and emotionally until the divorce took place. He had passed away couple of years ago.  I have all the bad memories with him, however my children are asking me to go to his grave to say that I have forgiven him and that I am free of all the pain and emotions that were because of him. They say that it will heal me and make me happy. I have verbally forgotton him in my duas many times but in my heart the pain is there. What should I do to clean my heart from him? I am thinking that why should I have to visit his grave while I was divorced and had no contact with him for a long time and still asking Allah Almighty to clean my heart. Your advice according to shariah will be appriciated for visiting his grave and saying those words.


A: We are encouraged in the Hadith to overlook and forgive people for the harm and pain they have caused us. In this way Allah Ta’ala will be pleased with us and reward us. Forgiving your ex husband is sufficient. You should not go to his grave. 

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.

خُذِ الْعَفْوَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْعُرْفِ وَأَعْرِضْ عَنِ الْجَاهِلِينَ ﴿الأعراف: ١٩٩﴾

Answered by:

Mufti Zakaria Makada

Checked & Approved:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)