My question was regarding whether I can have my sister in law nurse my 15 month old son so he would become her and her daughter’s mahram. The complication is that my husband finds this idea really strange and for no valid reason is saying no. I have a very good reason i want to do this which is that once he is older, I want to be able to easily let him visit my brother’s house and not have them to worry about him not being their mahram. We go there a lot because our kids play and I don’t like to be at the unislamic environment of my in-laws house. I don’t want to have my son go to my husband’s family’s house too much because they listen to music, have mixed gatherings and have watch movies all day.
So I would really appreciate it if you would let me know whether I can still go ahead and have my sister in law nurse my son without my husbands consent.
ANSWER
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
It is the principle of Shariah that the mother of a child is morally responsible to breastfeed her child, as Allah Most High says:
“The mothers shall breastfeed their offspring for two whole years.” (Surah al-Baqarah, 233)
As such, it is the moral responsibility of the mother (in normal cases) to breastfeed her child and not have it suckled by another woman.
However, if there is a genuine reason for her not doing so, then she can get her child suckled by another woman. Allah Most High says:
“If you decide on a foster-mother for your offspring, there is no blame on you, provided you pay (the mother) what you offered, on equitable terms.” (Surah al-Baqarah, 233)
In the above verse, Allah Most High addressed both the parents using the Arabic term of addressing a group (aradtum), thus deciding on getting the child suckled by another woman will be the domain of both the mother and father. It will be something that is jointly agreed upon and not based solely on the decision of one parent.
However, If the mother is not able to breastfeed her child, then the husband cannot force her in doing so.
Imam al-Mawsili (Allah have mercy on him) states:
“It is not necessary upon the mother to breastfeed her child…unless she becomes appointed for it, such as when the husband cannot find anyone else or the child refuses to take the milk of another woman. In such a case, it will become binding on her, in order to save the child from perishing. (In the situation where the mother refuses to breastfeed), the husband will be responsible for hiring a wet nurse for the child, for the responsibility of paying for the wet-nurse lies on the husband and the responsibility of breastfeeding on the wife. It will not be permissible for the husband to hire his own wife (m: the child’s mother) to breastfeed the child, for breastfeeding is originally her responsibility, due to the statement of Allah Most High “The mothers shall breastfeed their offspring for two whole years”. Thus, when the mother refuses to breastfeed, we would consider that to be due to a genuine reason (udhr) but when she is prepared to breastfeed the child on hire, we found out that she is in reality capable of breastfeeding her child, thus it will become binding on her. Therefore, it will not be permissible for her to take money on something that is binding (wajib) on her.” (al-Ikhtiyar li Ta’lil al-Mukhtar, 3/230-231)
Another great Hanafi jurist (faqih), Imam al-Haskafi (Allah have mercy on him) states:
“It is not permissible for the father (m: of the child) to force his free (i.e. not a slave) wife to breastfeed the child, even before the two years have elapsed, for the right of upbringing the child is of the mother.” (See: Radd al-Muhtar ala al-Durr al-Mukhtar, 3/211-212)
In view of the above, it becomes evident that although primarily the responsibility of breastfeeding the child is of the mother, but if she is incapable due to some reason, she may hire someone else to breastfeed the child.
With regards to your situation, you intend to have your child breastfed by your sister in-law for (I presume) a short period of time or just as a one off thing, so that the rules of fosterage (radha’ah) are established.
In such a case, although I could not find a explicit text in the books of Fiqh, it seems that you should do this with the consent of your husband, as Allah Most High addressed both the parents in the verse quoted above that if you decide on a foster-mother for your offspring, there is no blame on you.
Moreover, Allah Most High says in the same verse quoted earlier:
“No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child. Nor father on account of his child.” (al-Baqarah, v. 233)
The meaning of this verse is that none of the respective parents should be harmed with regards to the breastfeeding of the child. The verse is specific to certain aspects but in a general manner applies to all aspects relating to harming any of the parents with regards to the breastfeeding of the child.
You should also remember that, when the rules of fosterage (radha’ah) are established, then along with the rules of Hijab being lifted, your son will not be able to marry your brother’s daughter in the future. Thus, you need to be very careful in taking this step, for it can prove to be difficult in the future.
Moreover, scholars mention that even in the case where one has a foster relationship, if there is a fear on Fitna, it will be necessary to observe Hijab, and remaining in privacy (khalwa) will not be permissible.
In conclusion, both you and your husband must sit and decide on this. Weigh the pros and cons in getting you son breastfed by your brother’s wife, and then decide. It will be something that is jointly agreed upon by both of you.
And Allah knows best
[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK