Undecided regarding marriage
I hope that this question finds you in the best of health and Imaan.
I would like to ask, Inshaa’allah my parents are planning on taking me to pakistan for a possible engagement to my mothers niece.
The problem is that I have been promised to her parents by since a young age i.e around 4 or 5 yrs old.
Alhamdulilah she is like a diamond with respect to ‘Izza and Ihlaaq. Although not much is being said about her Islamic backgroud as most of teh family backbite and curse others.
If i was to get married to her inshaa’allah, the i will see her for about 3 weeks during which the Nikah, celebrations and walimah would take place and then return back to the uk and see her again in about a years time due to me being at university. however i wont be able to live with her properly because of visa issues which means about 3 years.
If i decide that i dont like her after seeing her, my parents have said that either get married to her and bring her over here to stay in the UK to help her or we will not bless any of your future marriages nor would they assist in it.
Sheikh, Im in a bit of a sticky situation.I always argue with my parents about this and its only around issues such having an Islamic marriage. I have had no clear cut answers from salah tul Istikharah but just the unhappiness in my own parents marriage and others who are/were in the same situation as me recently to back to 20/30 years ago. My parents do not practise Islaam properly. So even if i was to go through with this, I fear that shirk and other aspects outside Islaam maybe introduced, matters which i have discussed with my parents but they just say ”dont worry about it”.
In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.
Your answer will be looked at under three sections.
- The parental responsibility of getting children married.
- The issue of forcing the children to marry without the child’s consent.
- Prayers to do in the meantime.
Finding a suitable life-partner is an important parental responsibility. Saaiduna Abu Saidul Khudri Radiallahu Anhu and Saaiduna Ibn Abbas Radiallahu Anhu narrate that the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said: “Whoever has a child, he should give him a good name and teach him how to read and write. And when he matures, he should marry him off. When he matures and the father does not marry him off, then if the boy commits a sin, the sin will be on the father.”(Mishkaatul Masabeeh p.271)
With regards to forced marriages this is something, which Islam abolished with the coming of the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam. Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said: “A previously married woman shall not be married without being consulted and a virgin shall not be married without her consent.” (Sahih Bukhari)
From the above discussion, we can determine that it is good of your parents to look for a pious, religious spouse for you. However, under no circumstances are they allowed to force you into marriage without your consent.
Continue with your istikhara and also it will be a good opportunity for you to read Salatul Hajah.
It is narrated by Saaiduna Abdullah Bin Abi Awfah Radiallahu Anhu that the Prophet of Allah said; “Whoever, has any need from Allah or anyone of his children, let him make Wudhu and let him make it well, then after two rakaats of Salah, praise Allah and invoice benedictions upon the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam then say;
LA ILAHA ILAL-LA HUL HALIMUL KARIM. SUBHANAL-LAHIL RABBIL ARSHIL AZIM. ALHAMDULILAHI RABBIL ALAMIN. AS ALUKA MUJIBATI RAHMATIK. WA AZAIMA MAGFIRATIK, WAL GANIMATA MIN KULI BIRR, WAS-SALAMATA MIN KULI ITHM LA TADA LI DHAMBAN ILLA GHAFARTAH WA LA HAMMAN ILLA FARAJTAH, WALA HAJATAN HIYA LAKA RIDAN ILLA QADIYTAHA YA ARHAMAR RAHIMIN.
There is no god but Allah, the most for bearing, most bountiful, glory be to Allah, Lord of the magnificent throne. All praises is for Allah, Lord of the Universe. I beg you for all that causes your mercy, determines Your forgiveness, a wealth of every form of piety and security from every sin. O’Allah, do not leave any sin of mine but that you have forgiven it, nor any worry but that you have uplifted it, nor any need which conforms with your pleasure but that you have fulfilled it, O most merciful of all that show mercy! (Sunan Timizi p.108 v.1)
Also read the following Quranic dua “Rabbana Aatina fid dunya hasana wa fi’l aakhirati hasana wa qina `adhab an-nar.” (O Lord! Grant us good in this life, and good in the next, and save us from the torment of the Fire) (Surah Baqarah v.200).
The phrase “good in this life” according to Imam Ahmad Bin Muhammad As Sawi the author of Hashiyatus Sawi Alal Jalalain means a pious wife (or husband). (Tafsir Jalalain p.30)
In conclusion, do the aforementioned prayers and Insha Allah, Allah will guide you to a decision.
Only Allah Knows Best
Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham.