Undecided after performing istikharah

Assalamu alaykum.

I have done istikharah seven days in a row in Ramadhan in the hope of getting some sort of sign about whether to marry a man or not.

I don’t remember seeing any of the specific colours in the dreams, however, I did see him.

Is this enough to marry him or do I need to see the colours?

Also, since doing istikhara, we have been arguing and I feel like I don’t want to marry him. Is this Allah’s way of showing me that I will marry someone else? Is that why I didn’t see any signs?

I would really appreciate your help as I intend to marry this man but am lost as to where to turn at the moment.

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.

Answer

First and foremost you should stop talking and keeping any contact with this man, as he is unlawful for you until the marriage is done. You should not think or contemplate a future with him until the marriage is done. This is nothing but Satan trying to lead you astray. Allah (SWA) has said, “Verily Satan is an enemy to you: so treat him as an enemy. He only invites his adherents, that they may become Companions of the Blazing Fire.” (Surah Fatir v.6)

If you really want to marry this man, you will need to go about things in a correct manner, which includes getting both parties parents or family involved.  You must at once stop all informal communication with him. Perform the prayer of guidance (Salat al-Istikhara) and ask Allah to guide you.

Imam An-Nawawi has said, “After performing the istikharah, a person must do what he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he had desired to do before making the istikharah. And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do, otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice to Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah’s power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah’s choice means that one should completely leave what he himself had desired or determined.” (Fiqhus Sunnah: 2.32)

After performing istikarah the person will (Insha Allah) get guidance from Allah and be inclined towards what is right. It is not necessary that it is seen in a dream or even as a vision while awake. The individual will just feel what is right and should then go on to do the task or make the decision. In regards to the circumstances mentioned above if you heart is inclining not to marry this person then it may be a sign from Allah (SWA) not to go ahead with the marriage. However, if your inclination is to get married to this man, but now and then you have thoughts or doubts whether you should marry him or not, then you should go ahead with the marriage. These doubts may be from shaitan. Furthermore, naturally there is always a doubt in the back of your mind when you make a decision about marriage whether this person is the right one or not. Therefore, you should not take these into consideration and go ahead with the marriage.

Only Allah Knows Best

Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham