Parents not looking to get me married
Assalam o Alaikum!
i am a young woman reaching at the age of 31 but still not married only due to the reason that my parents never took interest in arranging my marriage.neither they are worried for my more age nor ready to settle my marriage.sometimes my mother talks about my marriage but no proper initiated is being taken.when i was under 30s lot of proposals were there for me but my parents and brother never considered them.i have become very weak physically due to this extended delay in my marriage because there is a lot of social pressure on me.everybody asks me why you are still unmarried and i have no answer for this.all the time i think how would i spend the whole life alone?i am unable to understand why my parents wasted the cruicial period of my marriage when it was the best time for me to get married and i had lot of opportunities and good proposals?why they did this with me?why do they still not ready for that?my father is so much careless in this matter that he never tries to search for a proposal for me?if the family will not search a proposal then who will settle this issue?this thing hurts me a lot.i am facing physicological problems .now one proposal have come after a long time but they refused due to age factor.this made me more hurt.May God forgive me for that but due to these circumstances i have become very against my father.whenever he comes in front of me i start remembering all the tough time which came in my life only due to his negligence in setteling my marriage.i faced lot of problems which i can’t share with anyone due to this long bachelorhood.there is great insecurity around me.i am a working lady and desire to leave the job and looking for a husband who could provide shelter to me.i am very helpless and insecure.i do many wazaifs.when in different islamic websites i see many unmarried girls complaining that they are doing lot of wazaifs for so many years but still not got married then i become more scared.i have great faith in Allah but my circumstances are getting worst and panic for me day by day which makes me frustrated and irritated and sometimes i find myself offering namaz and asking dua with empty mind due to great depression.my family cousins and friends,colleagues and neighbours always test my nerves by asking all the time about my marriage.none asks my father.all the social pressure is on me.i am very insecure in my office and family as when the male heads of family are so much careless about their female dependents then the other males consider such woman for their entertainment.the envoirnment of home is so unsupportive that if i bring these things into their notice they will rather blame me that i am responsible.i am a person of weak nerves and very sensitive since my childhood.i can’t face these problems anymore.either i will get mad or commit suicide.please pray for me as you pray for your sister or daughter because my father and brothers never prayed for me for my marriage or safety of my ezzat.also tell me the strong wazifa and duas for a good spouse and also for the change of my continous bad time.do remember me in your prayers .
In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.
It is very unfortunate and sad to hear your story and I pray to Allah that he will make things easy for you. When Allah (SWA) inflicts any hardships or calamity upon anyone, the purpose for this is to either test his true servants as Allah (SWA) in the Holy Quran has said,
“Be sure we shall test you with something of fear, and hunger and some loss of wealth and lives and fruits and glad tidings to those that bear patience”. (Suarh Baqarah v.156)
Sometimes it so happens for it to be a lesson for the people coming after not to commit that deed again as Allah (SWA) states in the Holy Quran:
“And indeed before you we sent (Messengers) too many nations so we seized them with suffering and adversity so that they may fall into humility.” (Surah Anaam v.42)
Or these tests can be a means of purification for the pious people. The Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam has said when a persons sins increases and nothing remains to remove it then Allah (SWA) inflicts this person with such sorrow, which expiates his sins. (Tafsir Ibn Kathir)
With regards to your situation, I will advise you to do two things. Firstly, pray Salatul Hajah and ask Allah (SWA) for a pious husband who will Insha Allah look after your needs. It is narrated by Saaiduna Abdullah Bin Abi Awfah Radiallahu Anhu that the Prophet of Allah said; “Whoever, has any need from Allah or anyone of his children, let him make Wudhu and let him make it well, then after two rakaats of Salah, praise Allah and invoice benedictions upon the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam then say;
LA ILAHA ILAL-LA HUL HALIMUL KARIM. SUBHANAL-LAHIL RABBIL ARSHIL AZIM. ALHAMDULILAHI RABBIL ALAMIN. AS ALUKA MUJIBATI RAHMATIK. WA AZAIMA MAGFIRATIK, WAL GANIMATA MIN KULI BIRR, WAS-SALAMATA MIN KULI ITHM LA TADA LI DHAMBAN ILLA GHAFARTAH WA LA HAMMAN ILLA FARAJTAH, WALA HAJATAN HIYA LAKA RIDAN ILLA QADIYTAHA YA ARHAMAR RAHIMIN.
There is no god but Allah, the most for bearing, most bountiful, glory be to Allah, Lord of the magnificent throne. All praises is for Allah, Lord of the Universe. I beg you for all that causes your mercy, determines Your forgiveness, a wealth of every form of piety and security from every sin. O’Allah, do not leave any sin of mine but that you have forgiven it, nor any worry but that you have uplifted it, nor any need which conforms with your pleasure but that you have fulfilled it, O most merciful of all that show mercy! (Sunan Timizi p.108 v.1)
From the above hadith we can deduce that if any Muslim has any need or problems which need to be fulfilled, then one can pray two rakaats Salatul Hajah read the above dua and ask Allah (SWA) to fulfil the particular need in question.
Secondly, you read the following Quranic dua “Rabbana Aatina fid dunya hasana wa fi’l aakhirati hasana wa qina `adhab an-nar.” (O Lord! Grant us good in this life, and good in the next, and save us from the torment of the Fire) (Surah Baqarah v.200).
The phrase “good in this life” according to Imam Ahmad Bin Muhammad As Sawi the author of Hashiyatus Sawi Alal Jalalain means a pious wife (or husband). (Tafsir Jalalain p.30)
Only Allah Knows Best
Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham.