Having doubts in the heart whether to get married or not

I did istikhara for marriage & sort of felt like going with the rishta because theoretically it is everything that I have desired (that i should know him from before, age difference & other things etc.) but for the most part my heart feels all uncertain, afraid & I feel that I might be going ahead with this because logically he is the right person to get married to & that I want my life to change & it will make me a better person but my heart is not in it so i fear with this state of heart i will not be able to achieve what i thought Nikah will achieve for me (heart & mind calmness & a sense of belonging)…What should I infer from this (please note that we are committed & when i really think i feel i am doing the right thing but the feeling remains there for a few min & most of the time it is the other way round.

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.

Answer

Imam An-Nawawi has said, “After performing the istikharah, a person must do what he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he had desired to do before making the istikharah. And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do, otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice to Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah’s power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah’s choice means that one should completely leave what he himself had desired or determined.” (Fiqhus Sunnah: 2.32)

After performing istikarah the person will (Insha Allah) get guidance from Allah and be inclined towards what is right. It is not necessary that it is seen in a dream or even as a vision while awake. The individual will just feel what is right and should then go on to do the task or make the decision. In regards to the circumstances mentioned above if you heart is inclining not to marry this person then it may be a sign from Allah (SWA) not to go ahead with the marriage. However, if your inclination is to get married to this man, but now and then you have thoughts or doubts whether you should marry him or not, then you should go ahead with the marriage. These doubts may be from shaitan. Furthermore, naturally there is always a doubt in the back of your mind when you make a decision about marriage whether this person is the right one or not. Therefore, you should not take these into consideration and go ahead with the marriage.

Only Allah Knows Best

Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham