I would like some advice. My son wants to get married in December to a girl he has a child with. The girl is a Christian girl. She says she is not ready to become a Muslim at the moment, but will become a Muslim when she is ready. I told him it is not what I want. I cannot force the girl to leave her religion. Is it permissible for them to do nikah as she says she will get married in a Muslim way? What do I do?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
In principle, it is permissible to marry Christian women. Allah the Almighty states in the Quran:
الْيَوْمَ أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتُ وَطَعَامُ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ حِلٌّ لَكُمْ وَطَعَامُكُمْ حِلٌّ لَهُمْ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِنْ قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلَا مُتَّخِذِي أَخْدَانٍ
This day [all] good foods have been made lawful, and the food of those who were given the Scripture is lawful for you and your food is lawful for them. And [lawful in marriage are] chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture before you, when you have given them their due compensation, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse or taking [secret] lovers. (Qur῾an 5:5)
Although there is permissibility to wed women from Christian and Jewish backgrounds, one must be conscious of the challenges such a venture presents. Not everybody has the strength and endurance. If the husband is not firm in his faith, the constant association with a Christian so intimately can effect his beliefs. A man in love can do anything for his wife. Let alone challenges to one’s faith, by marrying a Christian or Jewish lady, one is embracing a whole new culture and lifestyle.
It may seem nice dating or having pre-marital relationships with such women, but marrying such a woman is a different story altogether. Their food and diet is different from ours. Their understanding of a wife’s role and responsibilities is totally different from our understanding. Their lifestyle as a whole differs from a Muslim’s lifestyle. They celebrate days we do not celebrate. They take part in customs totally foreign to Islam. Laws governing them differ from the Shari῾ah.
With all these discrepancies, can there be any bonding between a Muslim male and a Christian female? What is the probability that the Muslim male will not begin to take part in the customs of his Christian wife? How many Muslim males have melted in the heat of such tests? Therefore, one must balance the benefits and potential harms before undertaking such a big step in life.
The default ruling of marrying Christian women will be of permissibility; however it will not be advisable due to its repercussions.[i]
The context of your situation is completely different. Your son has had a child already with this girl and seems to be ‘in love’ with this girl. It will not be advisable to prevent them from getting married. Love is blind. The Prophet (salallahu ῾alayhi wa sallam) said,
“Your love for something can blind and deafen you.” (Kanz al-ummāl hadith no.44104)[ii]
Your son’s inclination to this girl will make him blind and deaf from everything else. Your discouragement will fall on deaf ears. This can result in a breakdown of relations between yourself and your son. So be positive with your son. Win his heart over. If he is adamant on marrying this girl as he has a child with her, and you like the girl as a person, then welcome their marriage.
It is impermissible to have pre-marital relations with the opposite gender. Hence, it would be advisable to bring the nikah as early as possible since the interaction of your son with this girl is inevitable due to their child. Encourage them to wed early.
You are absolutely correct in not wanting to force this girl into accepting Islam. Instead, receive her with open arms. Show her true character. Make her feel loved and admired. Give your heart out to her. This will incline her towards you. All the while, perform salaah in front of her, recite Quran and have the recitation of the Quran playing in the house. Have books regarding the beauty of Islam, Allah the Almighty, character of the Prophet (salallahu ῾alayhi wa sallam) and similar attractive literature around the house where it catches her eyes. Purchase a receiver and have it switched on. The athān and programmes in the masjid will surely enter her ears. The whole family should perform Hajj or ῾Umrah together. Let her witness the beauty of Makkah and Madīnah. This will surely melt her heart.
In conclusion, let your son marry this girl if you are pleased with her characteristics. Accept her as she is. Make an effort to show her Islam without ever telling her to accept. Let her be exposed to Islam. You will have to practice as much as you can for your efforts to be fruitful. Hence, shun everything which upsets Allah the Almighty and make constant du῾ā. Inshā Allah, Allah Ta῾āla will open the doors of guidance for this girl.
We make dua Allah the Almighty out of his infinite mercy and grace, grants you ease and opens the girl’s heart and guides her to the true path. Āmīn.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Faraz Ibn Adam,
Student Darul Iftaa
UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net