I’m in a very difficult situation, my husband doesn’t pray! I have told him how important it is and that he must pray but he just says I’m judging him, which I’m not
we have 4 sons and he has a duty to teach them to pray and to set an example. He converted to islam 3 years ago and I was born and raised in a muslim household, and I will admit that for many years I neglected my religious duties but allah guided me back and inshallah I will never be the person I was when I was enjoying the pleasures of this life over my faith. Anyway I have told my husband that allah guided him to islam and gave him a fresh start and that this is how he repays allah by not praying. He also drinks and swears a lot and he can be so horrible and nasty. I do love my husband but slowly slowly I’m started to feel disgusted by him, he complains that God has forgotten him (because he wants to be rich) and Allah hasn’t made him rich. I’ve explained that we have a lot more then other people do, I told him to look at the sufferings in this world and for him to realise just how lucky he is and how much allah has given him. I’m worried that our sons will learn form his example, so I’m making it my priority to teach them about islam, they know that I pray but they never question about there father not praying. Please could you give me some advise as what I should do.My husband doesn’t want to listen and he keeps making promises about praying tomorrow but he never does and this has been happening for a while now. am I able to lead the prayer for my younger children or does my husband have to do that?
any advise is greatly appreciated.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister-in-Islam,
It is encouraging to note your passion for this Dīn and your desire to help your husband become a better Muslim. Make Allāh Ta`ālā help you fulfill this endeavor. Āmīn.
First and foremost, you stated that your husband reverted to Islam 3 years ago and still retains some of his past habits such as drinking and swearing. As a wife, it is important for you to understand the sacrifice and the challenges your husband is facing as a new Muslim. Choosing to renounce one’s past and embrace the religion of Islam is a big step in one’s life. While you may feel that your husband has lost connection with Islam, it is highly likely that he is having trouble coping with this new lifestyle.
Being a part of your husband’s life, instead of looking down on your husband and making him feel as if he is a bad Muslim who neglects his duties, you should steadily encourage him to take the next step and begin to fulfill his Islamic obligations. Make him feel that being a Muslim doesn’t mean he is burdened with a full list of do’s and don’ts; rather, remind him of the rewards that now await him due to the sacrifice he made by entering into this blessed Dīn. Hold short 5-minute sessions of Ta`līm with your children every day and play lectures about the virtues of prayer and Islam without coercing your husband to join you. Insha Allāh, after some time, Allāh Ta`ālā himself will put the thought into your husband’s heart that he should also participate and take the next step in learning about his Dīn.
If you continue to feel that your husband is slipping away, show him the beauty of Islam through example by living out your life as an exemplary wife who emulates the love shown by the Mother of the believers (radiyallāhu `anhun) to our beloved Messenger ﷺ. Take the initiative in teaching your children about Islam, but do not belittle your husband in the process. If it is difficult for him to begin praying and leaving his habit of drinking, do not make him feel that he should have never become a Muslim. Gently encourage him in a nice manner and remind him that the doors of mercy are always open and true happiness lies in the Ākhirah.
Allāh the Almighty says in the Holy Qur’ān:
إِنَّ الْإِنْسَانَ خُلِقَ هَلُوعًا، إِذَا مَسَّهُ الشَّرُّ جَزُوعًا، وَإِذَا مَسَّهُ الْخَيْرُ مَنُوعًا، إِلَّا الْمُصَلِّينَ، الَّذِينَ هُمْ عَلَى صَلَاتِهِمْ دَائِمُونَ وَالَّذِينَ يُصَدِّقُونَ بِيَوْمِ الدِّينِ…وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ مِنْ عَذَابِ رَبِّهِمْ مُشْفِقُونَ، إِنَّ عَذَابَ رَبِّهِمْ غَيْرُ مَأْمُونٍ… وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ عَلَى صَلَاتِهِمْ يُحَافِظُونَ، أُولَئِكَ فِي جَنَّاتٍ مُكْرَمُونَ
Indeed man is created weak in courage, very upset when touched by evil, and very possessive when visited by good (fortune), except the performers of salah, who are regular in their salah…and those who believe in the Day of Judgment as true, and those who are fearful of the torment of their Lord. Indeed the torment of their Lord is not something to be fearless from…and those who take due care of their salah. Those will be honored in gardens (of Jannah). [Al-Quran, 70:19-35]
Through patience and perseverance, your husband will come around and learn to establish a strong connection with Allah Ta’ālā. Inshā Allāh.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Bilal Mohammad
Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.