I am a muslim convert for 10 years now elhamdullillah. I am …. years old and married. I have ADHD(hyperactive), OCD and much waswas. i am also very senstive. I am happily married and i really DO NOT WANT a divorce. But i keep getting thoughts that everything i say might be a divorce. this came when i studied a bit about the marriage rules. after i got the waswas i readed some fatwas about divorce and because of this i only got more and more waswas.. Last time my head was forcing me to say the word “talaq”, but i dont want to say it(because i dont want to divorce), but it keeps pressuring and forcing me. it seemed like i said the word talaq with my mouth closed. so afterwards i wanted to test if it was even possible to hear the world talaq with your mouth closed, so i tried saying words like “tali”, “tala” with my mouth closed(and it seemed like only i can hear it). afterwards i got waswas if saying words like tala or tali can issue a divorce..
But then i thought about the divorce rules which i learned, you only have Sarih and kinaya words, so i thought Tali or Tala is no Sarih and no kinaya so there is no problem in saying those. I got this thought: Even if i say Tala or Tali with an intention of divorce then still it issues no divorce.. But the problem is, i don’t really remember if i did this though, cant really remember: is that i on purpose said tala or tali with an intention of divorc to show myself there is nothing wrong with that..
LAter on i learned on the internet that even if you say irrelevant words like tree or, tala, if you do this with intention of divorce then you can divorce(please tell me if there is such a fiqh that if you say a irrelevant word like tal or tala that this can also issue a divorce).. but the whole problem is, is that i don’t want a divorce,, i always say or do things without even thinking about it.. I thought because of doing that it will keep the
waswas away, i thought i knew the fiqh… I really never really wanted divorce, this waswas making me crazy… And now i only think what have i done.. . For me it seems like islam is hard,, but islam is not hard its easy only i make it hard.. Please help..
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Brother in Islam,
We are very pleased to hear that you are a convert and that you have been a Muslim for 10 years. May Allah Taala keep you steadfast on his Deen Ameen.
As you know that in this worldly life mankind is always faced by challenges for ones nafs (carnal desires) and the shaytaan. In your case, the shaytaan is trying to disturb you by creating thoughts (wasawis) of talaq in your mind so that he can swerve you away from the straight path. We advise you not to ponder and build on these thoughts as you will be aiding the shaytaan in fulfilling his mission. Treat your mind like a highway on which thousands of cars come and go. Similarly, let the thoughts come and do not ponder on them, you will notice they will leave automatically. However, you should also seek medical attention for ADHD and OCD condition.
In principle, for a talaq to take place one has to express the words of talaq verbally. In your situation you have not verbally uttered the words of talaq therefore, your nikah is intact. [1]
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Ismail Dawoodjee
Student Darul Iftaa
Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
[1] و به ظهر ان من تشاجر مع زوجته فأعطاها ثلاثة احجار ينوى الطلاق و لم يزكر لفظ لا صريحا و لا كناية لا يقع عليه (رد المحتار ج3 ص230 سعيد)
و لو نوى طلاقا و لم يتلفظ بلفظ لم يعتبر طلاقا لئلا يتغير المشروع و هو شرعية الوقوع بالفاظ الطلاق(العناية ج2 ص422 علمية)
فتاوى محمودية ج18 ص100 مكتبة محمودية
فتاوى دار العلوم زكريا ج4 ص56 زمزم
امداد الاحكام ج2 ص 438 مكتبة دار العلوم كراتشى