I have been on the bad habit of masturbating from past 7 8 years. In the start i dont know whether it was haram or not. From 2 3 years i know that it is haram. But i am not been able to leave this bad habit. I am very weak now, have very weak memory. I just hate myself for not being a pious person. My mother says until you dont have job there is no marriage I am 25 now. And as i have been indulged in this bad habit for a long time. So in that case can i refuse to being getting married so as the life of the girl is saved? Because i know i will not be able to handle my self as my anger is almost uncontrolable. 

I have been on the bad habit of masturbating from past 7 8 years. In the start i dont know whether it was haram or not. From 2 3 years i know that it is haram. But i am not been able to leave this bad habit. I am very weak now, have very weak memory. I just hate myself for not being a pious person. My mother says until you dont have job there is no marriage

I am 25 now. And as i have been indulged in this bad habit for a long time. So in that case can i refuse to being getting married so as the life of the girl is saved? Because i know i will not be able to handle my self as my anger is almost uncontrolable. 

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

The bad habit of masturbation is an evil and despicable sin which can ruin the life of an individual. One is deprived of the sweetness of Imaan. His heart and soul becomes dull and develops an aversion towards Ibaadah and nearness to Allah Ta’ala.

It is imperative a Muslim constraints his Nafs (desires). Allah Ta’ala says “Verily the Nafs is inclined to evil” (12:54)

The example of the Nafs is like a small child; it always demands to get what it wants. The parents of the child know what is beneficial for the child and what is not. They do not accede to everything the child wants even if the child screams or cries. Rather, they take measures to discipline the child. They refine him into a respectable person having good qualities. Similarly, we need to refine our Nafs and not allow it everything it wants.

Brother in Islam, remember that even if no human eye is watching us, the ever watchful Allah knows the innermost regions of our heart. The true believer fears Allah’s judgement and knows that no act will go unaccounted for and that even his own eyes will bear witness against him on the Day of Judgement.

Allah Ta’ala says: “They may hide (their crimes) from men, but they cannot hide (them) from Allah, for He is with them (by His Knowledge), when they spend the night in such that He does not approve, And Allah ever encompasses what they do.”(4:108)

If a person is sincere in making Tawbah from this evil act, he can be rehabilitated according to his level of sincerity. The biggest question to ask yourself is what if the angel of death comes to you in such a state….

Here under are few tips which may help you overcome your problem

1. Stay away from all such avenues that spurs ones carnal desires, such as immoral friends, malls, beaches etc.
2. Protect ones gaze from falling upon non-mahram (unlawful) women. The Prophet (Sallallhu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said: “I have not left a Fitnah (trial, calamity or cause for calamity) after me more than (the fitnah) with women for men” (Bukhari and Muslim).
3. Do not to remain alone or idle. An idle mind is a devils workshop.
4. Frequent the Masajid and the company of pious people. Identify a spiritual guide and benefit from his spirituality. Going out in Tableegh is also useful.
5. Before you sleep every night, think about death and how you will be buried in the grave with no-one to assist you and help you. Imagine Ghusl (pre-burial bathing)being done to you, you will then be enshrouded with the Kafn, people will be crying, the Janaza Salaah will be performed and then your body will be carried to the graveyard and then you will be buried in the depths of the ground. Who will be there to assist you on that day? Every day, take out some time before you go to sleep and think about death. Insha’Allah, this will remove the ghaflat (heedlessness) from your Nafs.
6.  If a person has a very urgent need for marriage but is incapable of maintaining a wife, then such a person must fast abundantly. Later, when he is able to maintain a wife, he must get married. Fasting is a means of curbing his desires.

Continuously make Dua to Allah to help you abstain from such sins. Make as much as Taubah as possible. If your Taubah is sincere, Allah Ta’ will grant you the Taufeeq to refrain from sins.  Always, keep trying. Never give way to the subtle whisperings of Shaytaan. At first, refraining from sins might be extremely difficult, but after constant struggle and punishing of the Nafs, the Nafs will finally become tamed and then you will feel pleasure in refraining from sins. Allah Ta’ala will indeed help the person who strives to become closer to Him.

Pertaining to the second part of your query, marriage is a natural necessity and biological demand, especially at your age. The Prophet (Sallallahu `alayhi wasallam) has prescribed marriage as the solution for abstaining from Haram.  Nabi (Sallallahu `alayhi wasallam) advised: “O group of youth whoever has the ability to marry then he should marry for verily this is a means of lowering ones gazes and protecting ones chastity. Whoever cannot do so then he should take to fasting for verily this is a shield for him.”(Bukhari)

Therefore, instead of refusing to get married because of your anger problem, you should fix the problem by undergoing anger management and whatever else is necessary. We advise you resolve your anger problems then get married.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Arshad Ali

Student Darul Iftaa
Trinidad

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

http://www.daruliftaa.net/