“Why women cannot mary two man at the same time like Men can do in Islam.” This was a question that was asked to me by a Bhudist friend of mine and I was not able to clearify. So can you explain me why ?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We believe that Allāh ﷻ is a unique, perfect, infinite being who is transcendent over space and time. Any being that is defect can never be God. As such, we Muslims firmly belief that every command of our Creator reflects wisdom. As Muslims, we are therefore more concerned about acting upon those commands to draw closer to the infinite Mercy of Allāh ﷻ than we are concerned about trying to understand the underlying wisdom behind them. The fact is that there are so many things that we don’t comprehend. For example, why are we to pray five times a day instead of four times or six times? Why did Allāh ﷻ choose the Arabic language to reveal the Quran? Why do certain chapters in the Quran start with letters, such as alif laam meem? Why did Allāh ﷻ prohibit the consumption of pig? Scholars in the past, present and future will try to explore the underlying wisdom behind these facts, but nobody can claim to know with 100% certainty what the reason is behind these commands.
We are not even able to understand our womenfolk, even if we have been living with them for 20 years, why they do what they do. How on earth are we then to encompass the various exotic reasons of a being that is infinite, that we can’t see and can’t hear?
The principle matter that needs to be understood is that if a person accepts the existence of Allāh ﷻ, then automatically he will go on to the next stage, the stage of worship. If a person does not accept the existence of Allāh ﷻ, then why would he bother to accept the wisdom behind any of his commands? As such, one should be careful not to be wasting his time in debating side issues, when the big issue (e.g. the singular existence of our Creator) is still under complete denial.
Nevertheless, for his personal information, he may consider reading the following article I wrote about the subject matter.
The primary objective of the creation, which includes Mankind as a whole, is to exemplify the greatness of God. As Mankind, we are to worship Allāh ﷻ. This worship extends beyond the perimeters of prayers to include every facet of our lives. Gender exemplifies this diversity by allowing the existence of various social structures that in turn are governed by the various laws of Shariah. Upholding these laws is the essence of worship of our Creator as this is by definition a manifestation of obedience and submission towards the Divine will of God.
As man and woman, we are all equal to Allāh ﷻ. This equality means that legislation and judgment in this life and the hereafter is on the same yardstick. Just like punitive laws apply to men, likewise they apply to women. Just like men are able to engage in economic activity, likewise women are allowed to do so. Just like men are required to pray, fast and go for Hajj, likewise women are required to adhere to all these commands. This is a legislative and spiritual equality, which cannot and should not abrogate the physical differences we have. We did not choose our nature; we rather have been created with these inherent differences. Religion is supposed to be a mercy, which only will manifest itself in the scenario where religion accepts and even embraces this human nature. A religion from a perfect being requires for that perfection to be reflected in itself. As such, a perfect religion is to accommodate for the welfare of the people at large. Any religion that fails to do so tends to be guilty of restricting the infinite mercy of the Creator to a select group of people only. When the legislation of our Shariah ought to reflect these differences, it therefore follows that one of the essential matters pertaining to gender in Islām is outward distinction. Men are to grow a beard; women are to grow their hair. Women bear children, men protect their families.
These physical differences give rise to diversity in the social interplay of the different genders as each and every law is to reflect the innate nature, what we call fitrah, of a person. These are codified social structures that intent to be in their very essence to be complementary. Man and woman are thus brought together under the social institute of Marriage that brings both individuals in harmony to form part of a higher system of worship. It is for this reason that the Messenger of Allāh ﷻ stated that: “Marriage is the perfection of one’s faith.”Allāh ﷻ in his wisdom has chosen men to be the caretakers of the family. The 4th chapter of the Quran, The Chapter of Women states:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. “
This verse underscores that men have been tasked with an extra responsibility. As this verse states, men are socially expected to financially support their family. This social distinction basically means that men are in a position of leadership whereas women are in a position of obedience to that leadership. The verse continues:
“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard.”
This is a complementary relationship, as opposed to a co-operative relationship, that ensures the correct functioning of the nuclear family, both internally and externally. It should be noted that there is a lot of wisdom for deciding the position of leadership on a matter that is beyond the control of the parties involved, namely gender, instead of making it subject to an arbitrary choice. In the latter case there will always be scope for doubt that may lead to social rife. When the responsibility of leadership is dependent on gender instead, it will be easier for both parties involved to accept the distribution of the roles concerned. Other biological factors, such as race, even though impartial, are not universal enough to provide a realistic solution to the problem involved. Especially when it comes to marriage, as inter-racial marriages historically speaking is out of the norm.
Because of this particular orientation of gender roles within a family structure, it therefore implies that Islâm can accommodate for polygyny as opposed to polyandry. When the husband is to bear responsibility of leadership of the family, it logically follows that polyandry would undermine this position, leading to conflict and a kind of paralysis. Due to the various dynamic needs of individuals, a family cannot be lead by compromise. One husband wants to relocate to a new area and the other husband wants to remain, obviously such a relationship is impractical. Polyandry as a system to accommodate people worldwide at all times is doomed to fail. It is true that certain companies like Samsung are lead by three CEO’s, but such co-operative structures are rather the exception than the norm. Since Islâm is to reflect human nature, the various gender roles and the legislation that governs them is to be in accordance as to what generally will work, not what exceptionally might work. A ship is to be sailed by one captain only, not two.
There is also the component of lineage. In the current system that we exist in, it is our natural disposition, our fitrah to only truly care for our own children. As humans we can sympathize with the welfare of other children and we can even feel sorry for the hard time a family has to go through when bereaved of their child in crime, drugs, terminal disease or accident. However, the eye of the beholder can never compare to the tearing eye of the one involved. This fitrah on our part makes it impractical for a non-parent to look after someone’s child. Polyandry ultimately leads to an obscuration of the lineage of a child. Children are the future of society, and for them to become an asset, they need to be nurtured in an environment of love. An environment where there are reasonable grounds to doubt as to which husband the child belongs to, is not stable enough to sustain the love and care required. DNA will not provide a solution either, as a World Religion is to accommodate for all people, past, present and future. On top of that, DNA tests are subject to human inefficiencies, giving scope for error. As such, the only thing that can be resorted to is the word of the mother as to whom the actual child belongs to. Again this is arbitrary, leading to inheritance disputes.
Lastly, there is the component of rebellion. It is human nature on part of man that he simply cannot tolerate someone else having conjugal relationships with his wife. In the case of polygyny, the jealousy of a woman is curbed by the leadership of her husband. In polyandry however, both men are on equal footing. As has been noted above, besides gender any other impartial variable available is absent which gives rise to a vacuum ready to be filled with adversity. When women fight, they pull each other’s hair. When men fight, they go to war.
Since polygyny does not have to deal with these sets of problems, our Shariah has allowed it so as to historically speaking, guide different people and diverse societies through various challenges they may be facing, such as a shortage of men available for monogamous marriage, in a way that promotes social stability instead and avoids social adversity. Also note that even fraternal polyandry would be impractical, as in Islām we don’t even permit sororal polygyny (e.g. the wives are sisters).
If a marriage breaks apart, the parties involved tend to be embittered. As close relatives, we are not allowed to break our family ties which are clearly endangered in a case of divorce in a fraternal polyandry or a sororal polygyny. The purpose of this small treatise is not to argue that polyandry as a system is impossible to implement. The purpose is to rather argue that in the current framework of our human nature, there is a plausible scope to implement polygyny as opposed to polyandry. Next, when polygyny is better than polyandry, it does not make sense to singularly legislate polyandry, nor to legislate both of them at the same time. The whole purpose of marriage is to create social order, which is defeated in the chaos resultant from the co-existence of both institutes of marriage. If one wants to advocate the existence of both institutes, then rather have no marriage at all.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Khalil Johnson
Student Darul Iftaa
Canada
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai