Assalamalikum
My husband asks me to take off my clothes for no reason or touch myself as it turns him on. he also asks me to wear tank tops and shorts or no pants while doing housework or just at home. I am more of a modest kind and I really dont like to do any of that. I always wear appropriate tops with sleeves and bottoms. I dont want him to feel like I cant do that for him, but at the same time, I just dont comfortable while doing any of that.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Modesty is a branch of faith. It is imperative that a Muslim male and female preserve their modesty at all times. Therefore, essentially there is no problem with how you feel about acceding to your husband’s requests. It is from the beautiful qualities of a woman to be modest and for this reason, a husband ought to feel more attracted to his wife the more modesty she displays.
However, because Islām is a balanced way of life, it also considers the natural demands of the human body. A person is naturally attracted to certain physical features in the opposite gender.
When you are in absolute privacy in the bedroom with your husband, you may wear short tops and pants. As for being absolutely naked and touching yourself to make him sexually attracted towards you, this should be confined to whilst in bed as the introduction to physical relations. If you feel extremely bashful even about doing as has being mentioned, you should keep in mind that in Islām, a man is allowed to see the entire body of his lawful wife; and that your intention when doing this is only to please and attract your lawful husband.
At the same time, it is important that you inform him about your feeling of modesty, and that for this reason you are doing what he requests you to do only so that he may be more attracted to you sexually. By expressing your feelings to him, this will avoid a misunderstanding and perhaps in future when making similar requests, he will even give more consideration to the quality of modesty within you.
As for outside the privacy of your bedroom, you should avoid doing any of the mentioned, including wearing clothing that are so short and tight that you feel shame if a Maħram (a person you are not allowed to marry, like brother, father, etc.) has to see you dressed in such a manner. Explain to your husband that you are avoiding such clothing outside the bedroom only due to modesty and that modesty is an important part of a Muslim’s life contrary to what is witnessed in Western culture.
A person should not be affected by Western practices and should make his standard the pure way of Islām. Modesty is a cherished characteristic in a woman and a precious inborn trait within her. The following narration informs us of the importance of modesty in Islām:
وَعَنِ ابْنِ عُمَرَ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَرَّ عَلَى رَجُلٍ مِنَ الْأَنْصَارِ وَهُوَ يَعِظُ أَخَاهُ فِي الْحَيَاءِ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «دَعْهُ فَإِنَّ الْحَيَاءَ مِنَ الْإِيمَانِ». مُتَّفَقٌ عَلَيْهِ
Ibn ‛Umar Radi Allāhu ‘anhumā narrates that Rasūlullāh Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa Sallam passed by a person from amongst the Ansār who was reprimanding his brother for being overly modest. Thus, Rasūlullāh Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa Sallam said to him (i.e. the one reprimanding): “Leave him (i.e. the person you are reproaching) for surely modesty is part of Īmān (faith).” (Narrated by al-Bukhāri and Muslim)
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mahmood Patel
Azaadville, South Africa
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net