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Can I stay at my parent’s home? My in-laws dislike me and my parents please advise me. I am very possessive of my son what should I do?

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Assalamwalaikum. My husband and I live 200 miles away from our parents (they live in the same town). When we go and visit we only sleep at my in-laws and spend time with my parents. However my parents get upset that we don’t sleep at their home too and I would like that to. In Islam can we share the nights between our parents or do we have to stay only at my in-laws home? We have been married for 3 years and my in-laws were happy with the marriage until after the Nikah things changed. We moved away 4 months later as my husband got a better job and I found it difficult living with my in-laws as at the time I was only 18. My In-laws speak bad about me to everyone and some of these people even ring my home to shout at me, they also make me feel like an outsider at their home and do not include me as family and they are always saying so and so is better than me. If I do not do something that they want they then do not speak to me. My husband is aware of this and he just tells me to not talk to them and to ignore them. My in-laws do not keep good relations with my parents and they have hinted heavily that they dislike them but have not given a reason why. Please advise me what to do. I have recently had a baby Alhumdullilah. I do not like my child to spend time with my in-laws and their family as they are nasty to me and are always trying to advice me on what to do for him. Is this permitted in Islam? Your advice would be very much appreciated. JazakAllah.

Answer

We understand your dilemma and empathise deeply with you.

Consider the following:

1. Will staying at your parents resolve your problems.

2. Will it increase your marital problems or will you, your husband and your child be extremely happy.

3. Ponder what originally brought on a change in your in-laws.

4. Understandably, they are wrong, but have you in any perhaps added to the problem by being offensive, rude, etc.

5. Is your husband in the centre, trying to win his parent’s approval at the same time wanting his wife’s love.

6. What are other possible solutions besides staying at your parents? They may be sacrificing a little but in the long term will perchance help build a bond between you, your husband and siblings.

Some possible option to consider:

1. Instead of focussing on your dilemma and building unhappiness and tension within yourself, completely change focus to loving your husband, pampering him, winning his heart and favour. This recipe has proven effective ? as many men have in return submitted to their wives requests happily.

2. It may take ?a lot of salt? to keep quite and at your in-laws interference and not even to complain. Instead, increase your du’aas positively for the du’aas of the oppressed reach the throne of Allah. Don?t curse, but rathe if they change and love you, your problems are resolved.

3. Send gifts to them with the intention of Sunnah, increasing Muhabbat.

4. Look at their positive points and hilighten them.

5. With positive communication, Insha Allah, their interference will decrease and your husband will lighten.

6. Ask Allah Ta’ala for your desires, Salaatul Haajat.

7. Increase Tawbah ? a means for coming out of difficulties, very effective.

8. Remember, focus on building and maintaining your marriage and love, for many marriages, caught up in these disputes have led to interest elsewhere.

May Allah Ta’ala protect all and grant peaceful happy blissful marriages to all.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

2SOCIAL DEPT.

CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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