.Salaam u Alaikum. I have performed nikah, but have not consumated. My wife is disobedient, disrespectful, has a bad attitude and raises her voice over mine. These qualities only came out after we performed Nikah. I have asked her to change her ways but she refuses, and says she will not change for anyone. She told me if I want to divorce her I can. If I divorce her, am I obliged to pay mahr, and can I request gifts back from her. Jazakullah Khair
Rasulullah Sallallahu alayhi wa Sallam said: Verily the most detestable
halaal act in the sight of Allah Ta’ala is Talaaq (divorce). In view of the
above-mentioned Hadith you should avoid giving your wife divorce without
having exhausted every avenue of addressing the marital dispute.
Almighty Allah says in the Qur’aan “And those women concerning whom you fear
disobedience, so advise them, leave them in their beds (do not be intimate)
and hit them (lightly)”
In advising your wife, you should be wise and diplomatic as wisdom and
diplomacy are the most efficient tools of success. However, if you are
unsuccessful in that, then only should you distance yourself from her in the
bed, and if that too is unsuccessful, you may hit her lightly in order to
jolt her. After having exhausted these avenues prescribed by Allah Ta’ala,
if you are still unsuccessful, both parties should appoint their
representatives to address the dispute. If the representatives are sincere
in their approach, Allah Ta’ala will unite the hearts of the disputing
spouses. If you are still unsuccessful, then we advise you make Istikhaarah
(Seek Divine guidance) from Allah Ta’ala before proceeding with the divorce.
Kindly refer to Istikhaarah on this site. Should you finally decide to
divorce her, then if the mahr was stipulated and you were in isolation with
her wherein there was no Shari prohibition to be intimate with her, then you
have to give her the stipulated mahr. If there was a Shari prohibition, for
example she was experiencing menses, then she will be entitled to only half
of the stipulated mahr.
The gifts given to her during marriage belongs to her. You cannot claim back
those gifts.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best.
Mufti E. Desai