I like someone for the past ten years.She also knows but things took a bad turn.I wanted to propose to her but was too young but I never told her that.I had to go out of the town for 6 years for my study and did not contact her thinking that she wont mind and will still be involved with me.Now when I have a job I tried to contact her she simply refused to talk to me and said that she had already committed to someone with whom she is very happy with but has not yet married.I wanted my parents to go to her parents for proposal.Don?t know what to do and where to seek refuge.All is lost for me and there is great pain for me and my parents.I wish Allah might call me and hide me with Himself for He is the Ultimate Creator and can prevent all this.I still like her and cannot think of anyone else.My parents are also disappointed because I am very sad.She says that it is my mistake that I didn?t contact her and now it is too late for me but on the hand she also respects me and says that I am a good person and will find someone.I believe that I will try to live a single but pure life and will be happy thinking that she is happy, for it is not compulsory to get married.I don’t want to destroy the life of any other person because of my feelings.My mother is very sad because she was expecting a positive response from her but now she only prays for me and patience.Your guidance in this matter is highly appreciated.Also is there any Dua for this? Please pray for me.
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your present problem. Brother, we are expected to recite “inna lillaahi wa inna alayhi raaji’oen”, when we suffer a loss.
If you look at your situation, what is really expected of you as a Muslim? That you accept whatever loss comes your way and you remain steadfast. That you believe and accept that only what Allah Ta’ala wills for you, can be yours. What He has not written for you, even if you try to move mountains, will never be yours. Sometimes what may appear to be a loss is actually a gain for you. Look at it this way. You did not at any stage promise to marry this young lady, nor did she promise you that she will wait for you. If either one of you had made such a promise, then it was not really a good idea as events have borne out.
You have to be realistic and accept that she has chosen to marry another. Under no circumstances should you try to contact her or try to change her mind. The gentlemanly approach is to accept the situation and be grateful to Allah Ta’ala that she is happy with her choice. You have no right to interfere in this choice of hers. I cannot understand why your parents are unhappy that she has refused you. They should have made your desire to have her as a wife known to her parents long ago. The fact that none of you did so, means that all of you should accept the status quo now.
You are still young and it is sunnah to get married. Allah Ta’ala has created the institute of marriage so that you can fulfill your physical, emotional and social needs and desires through marriage. No woman can be halaal for you outside of marriage. Insha’allah you will meet the partner Allah Ta’ala has intended for you and you will be granted the happiness from the soul mate granted to you through marriage. I would like to point out to you that falling in love with a woman who is not your mahram is not acceptable in Islam.
Please turn to Allah Ta’ala constantly, make lots of isitgfaar, zikr, read about 500 darood sharief every day, perform 5 daily salaah on time everyday, read the Quran with meaning and understanding and make dua straight from your heart. May Allah Ta’ala guide you and grant you a wife who will be the coolness of your eyes, ameen.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
Wassalaam
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CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai