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Is it wrong, if i ask my mother to stay with me, as my dad is very abusive physically and verbally

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

is it wrong, if i ask my mother to stay with me, as my dad is very abusive physically and verbally, my mother is now 50 yrs old, and till date she gets badly beaten up by my dad, shes very weak and i fear, if i start living seperately it might get worse, if i try stopping my Father, he starts beating me up. Sometimes he is ok with mom, for selfish reasons, if he wants my mother to cook a special meal for his friends, or want to keep his friends at our home, then he is all good with mom and me, and once everything is done, he is all abusive. I want to live with my parents as to take care of my mother so that whenever she gets beaten up i am there to protect her, but if that happens, i get beaten up too, so can i ask my mother to stay with me, and i can take good care of her, emotionally as well as financially, I dont want my parents to seperate after 25 yrs of marriage, so i told her, when he beats u up u can stay with me and whens calm u can go back, What should i do? please help. Jazakallah.

Answer

Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding the difficult situation you find yourself in with regard to your father’s behavior. Understandably you appear to be experiencing some ambivalence, for at one point you say that, “if I start living separately it might get worse” and then later you mention that when your dad beats your mum up, she could come live with you till your dad calms down. Do you hope that he will remain calm if your mum leaves him to go live with you for a while? Do you also think he will remain calm if you go and live separately? Please tell me, how do you “protect” your mother when your father is beating up your mum?

Sister, I will be forthright with you. Allah Ta’ala did not grant men wives so that they can kick and abuse them whenever they wish. No man has the right to beat up his wife just because he thinks he is the only law.

Nor did Allah Ta’ala grant fathers permission to beat up their daughters at will. Are you an only child and if so, do you really think it is acceptable by any stretch of the imagination that two women are harmed by someone who is supposed to protect them from harm from outsiders and others? Have you at any time asked any of your senior family members or the imam of your area to approach or threaten your father that if he does not stop, he will have to face the wrath of the law of the land? I may sound harsh but that is what he deserves if he does not stop his bad behavior. By all means, if your father does not stop his unacceptable behavior and if he does not take heed of the elders, take your mother to live with you till he really learns to behave himself . Give her all the love and warmth you can, the kind of treatment a mother and woman deserves. You should not feel guilty about protecting your mother from injustice and harm. It is your duty to stop oppression and to stop the oppressor from continuing the oppression. Do please remember that although your father has not been kind to you, you still have to honor and respect him.

Despise his behavior but do not despise him. Let him know too that you and your mum are willing to live with him once he gives a solemn oath not to verbally or physically abuse the two of you in future.

If he refuses to or cannot do so, then I suggest you decide for your own mental and physical health whether you should go on tolerating oppression on yourself and on your mother. May Allah Ta’ala protect you and your mother and grant your father a softer kinder heart. Ameen.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

Sister Fadila
SOCIAL DEPT.

CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai (FATWA DEPT)

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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