I’m married for just under a year. Before my husband married me, he knew i was not a virgin. I regret commiting this sin and i made tawbah and repentence for what i did. I changed my life and my ways and became a better person before i met my husband. When my husband decided to marry me, he forgave me for what i did in my past and excepted me for the changed person i am today. However, since we got married, he told me that he does not connect with me intimately because of my past and wants to take on another wife who is a virgin to satisfy his emotions. I love him alot and this is hurting me so much that i don’t know if i can take it. I asked him to divorce me and then he can marry because i know i’m not strong enough to be in a polygamy marriage. He refuses to divorce me. Can he refuse divorce under these circumstances and can he take a second wife even if it will cause me harm emotionally and cause harm to my marriage to him if he doesn’t divorce me? Jzkallah
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
There are two issues in your matter:
a) It is permissible for a Muslim male to have four wives at once. The husband does not require the permission of his wife to take another wife.
b) Your situation seems to be slightly different. Your husband does not wish to take another wife based on his right to practice polygamy. It is due to satisfy his emotions as you were not a virgin at the time of marrying him. This attitude of your husband is not appropriate. You did inform him of your condition before marriage and he accepted you as you were. There is no genuine need for him to take another wife apart from satisfying his ego to marry a virgin. Had you known his ego, you probably would not have commited to him. Your husband should be commended for his initial attitude to you but should strongly review his intention of taking another wife just to satisfy his ego. Nevertheless, if your husband fulfills his marrital obligations towards you, he can not be compelled to divorce you. He probably wishes to retain his marriage with you as he values you.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah