I pray you are in the best of Iman, health and wealth.
I am hoping you can assist me with a problem that am facing.
I have been married for more than a year now. I don’t have kids. Am the only son to my parents and my father lost his sight few year back. I feel myself responsible towards my parents so I talk to them regularly and send expenses every alternate month.
Am having several issues adjusting with my wife. Her attitude is really bad towards my parents and me. Currently am staying abroad with my wife and my parents are in India. My wife thinks that my mom is trying to separate us and trying to create disturbance in our married life, which is not the case. From the day I am married there are fights between us because of her nature, She does not mingle with any body in our family or relatives and has attitude problems. That was fine with me but she does not want me to talk to my family and relatives. She does not allow me to talk to my parents/sister or any one. If I do there will be a big fight where she abuses my mom, dad and sister. So I have to talk to them either when am driving to work or some time when am out side my house. There are many instances where she abused my parents so much that I was not able to control my anger and pushed her(which i realize was wrong) but she reacted to it and hit me and made it a big issue, and she tried to call police. She curses my parents every time and say they should die early. My heart tears apart to her words. I remain silent coz if i say any thing she shouts so loud that every one out side my house can hear her voice. Am trying to hold my anger and try to be patient. I cannot send money to my parents, I cannot text talk to any body, she keeps an eye on my phone and tracks every thing. She always degrades me and my khandan that we are cheap and unworthy. She is proud of her education and degrades me saying i was not worth marrying her. She uses filthy language against me like F** and other words. Most bothering thing is she does not look around and insults me in public when we are out.
I tried to explain her in a peaceful way that what she is doing is not right, but she mocks at me and laughs and tells am old and outdated. I have explained every thing to her father who is Masha ALLAH a religious scholar, He consoles me and tells me that he would talk to her but every thing keeps repeating.
Many thoughts run in to my mind and am not able to live peacefully. I thought many times to divorce her but think that it will spoil her life and keep quite. But this is eating away my peace and my happiness. Please advise me what to do. I don’t want my future to spoil and my kids behave the same way as she does.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Your marriage is young and it is normal for such marriages to experience turbulence before the marriage eventually settles down. We understand your pain and emotion. We advise that you seek assistance from Allah Ta`ala who has control over each and every thing. Make sabar and focus on making adjustments in the marriage. Remind your wife that a family is built on love and care amongst its members.
Explain your frustration to your father in law and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you want this marriage to be successful but for that you will need the cooperation of your wife.
You may also consider confiding in a person who is closely affiliated to your father in law and address the issue through him.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Hafizurrahman Fatehmahomed
Student Darul Iftaa
Netherlands
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.